1.With Legs Wide Open
wierd ale yankobitch
Miscellaneous
with legs wide open
Well I just saw
your boobs today
It seems my life
Is gonna change
I close my eyes
Begin to shake
As drips of cum
Stream down my pants
With legs wide open
Under my blanket
Welcome to my room
I'll show you everything
With legs wide open
with legs wide open
Well I don't know
If I'm ready
To be the man
I have to be
I take a breath
and i take off your clothes
We are naked
We're gonna copulate
With legs wide open
Under my blanket
Welcome to my bed
I'll show you everything
With legs wide open
with legs wide open
Now everyone is wet
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With legs wide open
With legs wide open
i'll show u everything
oh yea
with legs wide open
wide open
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope you're not like me I hope you're agressive
Well we can shake this bed
until it cracks in half
And we can throw our clothes
right out the window
With legs wide open
Under my blanket
Welcome to my room
I'll show you everything
With legs wide open
with legs wide open
2.Alternative Polka
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me？
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me？
Hey!
I am I am I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I'm gonna get close to you
You wouldn't want me have to hurt you, too
Hurt you, too
I know what's on my mind
I know you like what's on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know you know, you know
Here I come I come I come I come
Here I come I come I come
All I wanna do is have some fun
I gotta feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I gotta feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
Help me--I broke apart my insides
Help me--I've got no soul to sell
Help me--The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself
I wanna feel you from the inside
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
You bang bang bang bang bang
Blame blame blame
You bang bang bang bang bang
It's not my thing so let it go
'Cause the love that you gave
That we made
Wasn't able to make it
Enough for you to be open wide
No
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died？
'Til you died
Well, you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You-ou-ou-ou-ou oughta know
Hey!
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say
What is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely, too
When you don't know yourself
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain？
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come, won't you come
Black Hole Sun
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
Black Hole Sun
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
Black Hole Sun
Black Hole Sun
Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once？
I am one those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
And am I just paranoid
Or am I just stoned？
Or am I just stoned-oh-oh-oh-oh-ned？
Hey!
3.Polkamon
Krabby, Snubbull, Venonat,
Mankey, Chansey and Zubat
Slowking, Ditto, Butterfree,
Lugia and Caterpie
Oddish, Poliwag, Goldeen,
Elekid and Nidoqueen
Victreebel and Magneton - Everybody Polkamon!
Aerodactyl, Seel, Machoke,
Marill, Moltres, then Slowpoke,
Articuno, Ditto, Muk,
Flareon and ol' Psyduck
Cloyster, Kingler, Shellder, Gloom,
Snorlax and of course Vileplume
Zapdos and Charmeleon - Everybody Polkamon!
It's time to polka
For Ponyta and Pidgey too
Come on put on your lederhosen
And try not to stamp on little Pikachu
You'd better grab yourself a partner
Like Tentacruel or Bulbasaur (Bulbasaur!)
Hold on a minute - there's still at least a hundred and
twenty-seven more
Including Ledyba and Omastar
Jynx, Bellossom and Magmar
Geodude and Arcanine
Jiggypuff and Mr. Mime
Don't forget about Sandslash,
Exeggcute and Rapidash
Lickitung and Porygon - Everybody Polkamon!
Everybody Polkamon!
Everybody Polkamon!
4.Since You're Been Gone
Since you've been gone
Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, I'm feelin' like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone
(Since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
(Since you've been gone)
It couldn't hurt anymore if you shoved
A red-hot cactus up my nose
Since you've been gone
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone
It's like I've got an ice cream headache that won't go away
Ever since the day you left me
I've been so miserable, my dear
I feel almost as bad as I did
When you were still here
5.Smells Like Nirvana
What is this song all about？
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go？
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, ooh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...
Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin'
And I don't know what I'm singin'
Crank the volume, ears are bleedin'
I still don't know what I'm singin'
We're so loud and incoherent
Boy, this oughta bug your parents
Yeah!
＊belch＊
hing!
It's unintelligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss
with all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, ooh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...
Well, we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly？ We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well it sure beats grazing cattle
Yeah!
moo..
baa...
And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words, oh nevermind
Don't know, don't know, don't know, ooh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...
Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin'
But I don't know what I'm sayin'
What's the message I'm conveyin'？
Can you tell me what I'm sayin'？
So have you got some idea？
Didn't think so
Well, I'll see ya
Sayonara, sayonawa
Ayonawa, hodinawa
Odinaya, yodinaya
Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah
Ayiyaaaaaah!
6.Spam
Lyricist：William Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe
Spam in the place where I live
(Ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now
(Oh boy)
Spam in my lunch box at work
(It's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich
Any way you slice it at all
If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home
(Ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now？
(Let's eat)
Spam in my office, at work
(It's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from
Wonder if it's mystery of meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermos to help wash it down
Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry, at home
(Have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the label
(Oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch
(It's the best)
Think about how it's been precooked
Wonder if I'll just eat it cold
Now, once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh, spam
(Spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now
(Oh boy)
Spam
(Spam)
It's the best
Really makes a darn good sandwich
Any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live
(Have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now
(Let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work
(You're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed
Wonder if it's some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car
(Ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are
(Ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can
(Spam any place that you are, ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam
(Spam any place that you are, ham and pork)
7.Aardvark
The Aardvark is really a curious creature
If you're an ant then he's likely to eat ya
Although his long nose makes him look rather hideous
He's still listed first in the encyclopedias
8.Hummingbirds
I love to watch the Hummingbirds just hovering for hours
They look like mini-helicopters pollinating flowers
And yet I still feel sorry for the little Hummingbirds
They always have to hum because they never learned the words
9.Snails
I've learned a few things in my life about snails
They don't care for salt and they leave icky trails
It's pretty darn hard to tell one from the udder
And French people like 'em with garlic and butter
10.Alligator
Deep inside the merky swamp
There lives the Alligator
His policy is first to chomp
And then ask questions later
Although his lifestyle may seem crass,
I really wouldn't knock it
He'd never wear a shirt that has
A yuppie on the pocket
11.Amoeba
The Amoeba is so small you need
A microscope to see one
It hurts the eyes, but I'll concede,
I'd rather see then be one
They never sing or laugh or talk
Or eat fondeaux or ciche
And if you take one for a walk
You need a tiny leash
I know the thing must have a brain
Although I couldn't tell you where
It sure must be an awful pain
To be so unicellular
12.Pigeons
Pigeons are such reprehensible things
Some critics, I'm told, call them rodents with wings
They terrorize folks with their constant dive-bombing
Which some find distasteful and some quite alarming
But still they fulfill an invaluable need
They give old men on park benches something to feed
In return for this honor, all they ask is that you
Allow them to soil the occasional statue
13.Shark
The Shark is not a friendly fish
That fact it's always proving
It seems this creatures' favorite dish is
Anything that's moving
He'll chew your face off in a flash
Or cheat you if you let him
So never loan him any cash
And be careful when you pet him
14.Cockroachs
Some think the Cockroach is a pest
But that's the insect I like best
I love the way they run in fright
When I turn on the kitchen light
And when I squish them on the ground
They make a pleasant crunching sound
15.Iguana
I could tell you a story about the Iguana
But right at the moment I don't real
16.Vulture
The life of the Vulture is one long sick joke
He hangs around waiting for something to croak
And then picks the carcass right down to the bone
Reminds me of one or two lawyers I've known
17.Unicorn
The Unicorn is just a horse
Accepting for its horn, of course
The Unicorn is just a myth
Which is to say, they don't exith
18.Poodle
The Poodle's a slimy carnivorous beast
In pastures you might find it grazing
It's fangs measure 23-inches, at least
It's antlers are simply amazing
Sometimes it will bury its head in the sand
It's our main source of pork, ham and bacon
But, then again, on the other hand
I could be completely mistaken
19.Finale
It's getting late, so I suppose
We should be drawing to a close
Besides, my voice is sounding horse
And even my rhymes are getting worse
Poor Wendy's feeling in the dumps
She's worn her fingers down to stumps
And so, farewell, this record's through
Now go find something else to do
20.Peter And The Wolf
Hello, Boys and Girls.
This is a story that I like to call, ''Peter and the Wolf''.
Are you sitting comfortably？
Are you!？
Good, then let's begin....
Each character is represented by a different instrument of the
synthesized
orchestra.
For instance, the part of Billy the Bird is played by a flute,
like this...
The part of Bruce the Duck is played by an oboe...
Louie the Cat is a clarinet. All right, he's not really a
clarinet. He's just --- you know, he's represented by a
clarinet....
The part of the Grandfather will be played by Don Amiche.
He... what？
Can't make it？ Oh. Huh.
Okay, um, hmm, in that case, the part of the Grandfather will be
played by,
huh, a bassoon....
Three French horns play the part of... uhm... three French
horns... uh...
(The Wolf! It's the Wolf!) Right! The Wolf. Seymore the Wolf....
The kettle drum and bass drum represent the sub-machine-gun fire
of the
hunters...
And, of course, as always, the part of Bob the Janitor is played
by the
accordion.
Well, that's it for the introductions. And now, the story.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away... uh.... Oh, excuse
me...
Once upon a time --- I think it was last Thursday --- a boy
named Peter
opened the gate and went out into the big green meadow.
On the branch of a big tree sat a little bird.
''All is quiet'', said the bird.
''Holy cow! A talking bird!'', thought Peter.
Just then, Bruce the Duck came waddling by. Bruce was very happy
that Peter
hadn't closed gate and he decided to check out the deep pond in
the meadow.
Billy the Bird saw the Duck, so he decided to fly down and pick
an argument
with him.
''What kind of bird are you if you can't fly？'', he said; to
which the Duck
cleverly replied, ''I'm a duck! Stupid!''
They argued and argued. The Duck swimming in the pond. The
little bird
skipping along the shore. (Scratch) Sorry.
Suddenly, something caught Peter's eye --- and you know how
painful that
can be. It was Louie the Cat crawling through the grass.
Louie the Cat thought, ''If the Bird is busy arguing, I'll just
grab him''.
So quietly, Louie crept towards him on his velvet paws. Well,
his paws
weren't really velvet... they were, you know, kind of like
velvet. It's
a, what d'ya call it？ Uh, a 'metaphor'. It's a metaphor, get it？
''Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out!
Look
out! Look out! Look out!'', advised Peter.
The bird immediately flew up into the tree... while Bruce the
Duck quacked
at Louie the Cat... from the middle of the pond.
Louie the Cat walked around the tree and thought, ''Is it worth
climbing up
so high, or should I just send out for pizza？''
Grandfather came out. He was all bent out of shape because Peter
had gone
into the meadow.
''It's a dangerous place. If a Wolf should come out of the
forest, then what
would you do, huh？''
Peter did not answer, because after all, it was a rhetorical
question.
Boys like Peter are afraid of a lot of things, like Nuclear
annihilation and
flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of Wolves.
But Grandfather got Peter in a headlock and dragged him home,
telling him
that he was grounded and that he couldn't watch any cartoons for
three weeks.
Just then, as luck would have it, a big, mean, hairy, ferocious,
snarling,
carnivorous Wolf, huh, did come out of the forest!
But I guess we all knew that was coming. I mean, the story is
called,
'Peter and the Wolf'. We couldn't very well call it, 'Peter and
the Wolf'
if there wasn't any wolf, could we？
Huh, that would be really stupid.
The Cat was up the tree in a twinkling; which is about, oh, 2.3
seconds.
Bruce the Duck quacked so hard that he propelled himself
backwards
and up onto dry land.
For those of you taking notes, this is a fine practical example
of Newton's
First Law of Motion, which clearly states that for every action
there is
an equal and opposite reaction.
But no matter how quickly Bruce tried to waddle away, he
couldn't escape
Seymore the Wolf who was wearing his best pair of tennis shoes.
The Wolf was closing in on the Duck. It was getting closer and
closer
and closer and then and then....
He got 'em! He got 'em! Oh no! Oh, it was terrible!
Oh, oh I can't believe it! Oh!
The humanity! The humanity! Oh my God! Ahh-hoh, oh, huh.
And then with one big gulp, Seymore 'wolfed' him down. (Burp)
Um, let me recap the story briefly in case you just walked into
the room：
Louie the Cat was sitting on one branch. Billy the Bird was on
another
branch, not too close to Louie, and Bob the Janitor was at home
defrosting
his refrigerator.
The Wolf walked around the tree so many times that he made a
small trench.
Meanwhile, Peter was standing behind the closed gate,
videotaping everything
that was going on.
Suddenly Peter got an idea. He ran home and got a big spool of
his
grandfather's unwaxed dental floss.
One of the branches of the tree that the Wolf was circling was
conveniently
stretched out over a high stone wall.
Peter scaled the wall, lickity-split, which is even faster than
a twinkling.
Then he grabbed the branch and climbed onto the tree.
Peter said to Billy the Bird, ''I want you to fly down and
circle around the
Wolf's head to distract him, but be very careful he doesn't
catch you and
bash your skull in and tear out your lungs and chew you up into
itsy-bitsy
teeny-tiny little pieces.''
''Okay'', said the bird.
Billy the Bird almost touched the Wolf's head with his wings
while the Wolf
snapped angrily at him. ''Go ahead'', said the Wolf, ''make my
day''.
''Come on, cut it out'', snarled the Wolf, ''you're askin' for
trouble,
Punk''. But Billy the Bird just kept on harassing him.
Meanwhile, Peter made a lasso out of the dental floss and,
carefully letting
it down, caught the Wolf by the tail and pulled with all his
might.
Feeling himself caught, the Wolf got really ticked off and
started jerking back
and forth.
Peter tied the other end of the dental floss to the tree and
left the Wolf
dangling in mid-air.
''Hey, Big Bad Wolf'', said Peter, ''why don't you come up here
and get
us now？''
''I would'', said the Wolf, ''but, well, I'm kinda tied up right
now.''
Just then, some members of the National Rifle Association came
out of the
woods, firing their magnums, uzis and bazookas.
But Peter yelled, ''Don't shoot. Billy the Bird and I have
caught the Wolf.
Now, let's take him to the Zoo''.
''Great idea!'', said the hunters, ''and if he likes that, next
week we'll
take him to Disneyland!''
Just imagine the victory parade. Peter was at the head. (Flush)
But after a few minutes he was through and then the parade began
with Peter
at the very front.
After him, the hunters leading Seymore the Wolf.
Then Grandfather, and Louie the Cat, and finally, Bob the
janitor who had to
sweep up the whole mess.
Grandfather shook his head discontentedly, ''Well, Peter, what
if you hadn't
caught the Wolf？ What then？''
''Well'', said Peter, ''he probably would have ripped out my
intestines with
his teeth.''
''(Cough／gag／choke)'', said Grandfather, ''I know that, you
idiot.
It was a rhetorical question.''
Above them, Billy the Bird chirped proudly. ''Yeah, that's
right. We bad.
We bad''.
Granfather decided that he'd had enough of the pond and the
meadow and the
whole stinking scene, so he ran off to Los Angeles and joined a
Heavy Metal
band.
And what about Bruce the Duck？
Well, the Wolf had been in such a hurry that he swallowed him...
alive!
which means the gastric juices slowly disolved his body and he
died a long,
painful death.
However, you'll be happy to hear that just a few years later he
was reincarnated
as Shirley MacLaine.
And the moral of the story is... oral hygiene is very important.
Make sure you
see your dentist at least twice a year
21.Carnival Of The Animals Part Two, Introduction
This is a new composition which features
A random assortment of all living creatures
You'll find that it's not quite exactly the same
As the one by Camille Saint what's-his-name
Camille, in his research, was slightly behind
And I guess that some critters just plain slipped his mind
So to fill in this void in the Animal Kingdom
I'll read some new verses. I'm not gonna sing them
So kindly shut up and I'll narrate for you
''Carnival of the Animals part two''
22.Jurassic Park
Lyricist：Jimmy Webb, Al Yankovic
I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors
Well, believe me this has been one lousy day
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don't think I'll be coming back again
Oh no
I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kind of mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer
Well, I suppose that proves they're really not all bad
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket
Think I'll tell them where to stick it
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again
Oh no, oh no
23.Young, Dumb, and Ugly
We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad..you better not get us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation 'round these parts
We only leave a 10% tip
Sometimes we don't return our shopping carts
Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip
'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
That's what we are
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You can't imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, our name spells trouble
T-R-U-B-E-L
Raisin' hell, bending the rules just a little
We're living only for thrills
We squeeze our toothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills
'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
You better believe it
We're Young, Dumb and Ugly
I'll tell you again
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
We're comin to your town
Yeah, we're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
We're wild reckless men, we're on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control
Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal
We're there whenever trouble's startin'
We're rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And we keep our library books till they're way overdue
'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
That's what we are
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
You can't stop us
We're Young (we're so Young) Dumb and Ugly
So ugly
Young, Dumb and Ugly
24.Bedrock Anthem
Lyricist：Michael 'flea' Balzary, John Frusciante, Anthony Kiedis, Chad
Gaylord Smith, Alfred Matthew Yankovic
Sometimes I feel, like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel, like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen, the city of Bedrock
I'd be a Flintstone, now I'll tell you why
Well, I've got, I've got a woman named Wilma
Well, I've got, I've got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I've got, I've got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino
Well, I've got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He's a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn't like to shave, he got caveman stubble
Me and Barney, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
Lodge brothers, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
There's a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show？
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric know-how
Betty and Barney got a baby named Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He's the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off, if he's shaking your hand
Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can't be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow
Wanna chill with a saber tooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first Rolling Stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Don't know what it means, but I say it anyhow
{Wilma, I'm home! Start serving dinner
Oh, no no no! Don't Dino, don't!
Now take it easy, boy!}
Lucky me, workin' down in the gravel pit
Movin' rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie's tail, everybody knows it's time to quit
I realize I'm living in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin' heavy boulders every day for my wage
Barney Rubble, laughin' like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little wiener!
Where's Wilma？ Anybody seen her？
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba dabba do now
{Now that's alright
Oh, boy!}
25.Frank's 2000' TV
Risin' above the city, blocking out the noonday sun
It dwarfs the mighty redwoods and it towers over everyone
I still remember when that delivery truck came down our block
What a lucky guy, I hear he got the last one in stock
And the neighbors are just green
They say, 'That's the biggest screen we've ever seen!'
It's Frank's 2000' TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000' TV
There's Frank's remote control, you can look at it but don't
touch it, please
'Cause Frank's the one in charge and he decides what everybody
sees
The picture's crystal clear and everything is magnified
Robert DeNiro's mole has got to be ten feet wide
Everybody in the town
Can hear those 90,000 watts of Dolby Sound
And I'm mighty proud to say
Now I can watch 'The Simpsons' from 30 blocks away
On Frank's 2000' TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000' TV
Everybody come and see
I'm gonna get one of my own real soon
It's like having a drive-in movie in your own living room
Whoa, hey now, hey no na na na now
Hey now, Hey now na na now
Frank's 2000' TV
Everybody come and see
You won't believe it
Frank's 2000' TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000' TV
Get a 2-year warranty on parts and labor
Frank's 2000' TV
Frank's 2000' TV
26.Achy Breaky Song
Lyricist：Donald L. Von Tress, Weird Al Yankovic
You can torture me with Donnie and Marie
You can play some Barry Manilow
Or you can play some schlock like New Kids On The Block
Or any Village People song you know
Or play Vanilla Ice, hey, you can play him twice
And you can play the Bee Gees any day
But Mr. DJ, please, I'm beggin' on my knees
I just can't take no more of Billy Ray
Don't play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
I might blow up my radio
(Ooh)
You can clear the room by playing Debbie Boon
Or crank your Abba records until dawn
Oh, I could even hear Slim Whitman or Zamfir
Don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon
Or play some Tiffany on 8-track or CD
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair and kick me down the stairs
Just please don't play that stupid song no more
Don't play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
You know I hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch
(Ooh)
Don't play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
I think it's driving me insane
Oh, please don't play that song
That irritating song
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain
Don't play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That 'achy breaky' song
I might blow up my radio
(Ooh)
27.Traffic Jam
Carbon Monoxide
Making me choke
No A.C.
And the radio's broke
Cars backed up
Far as you can see
Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity
Oh, and just in case you're wondering
I'll tell you where I am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...
Traffic Jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
My radiator's boiling hot
And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the
middle)
Right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Trapped inside
My automobile
Cobwebs growin'
On the steering wheel
Now, I'm no genius
But one thing I know
I shouldn't have eaten that bag
Of bran muffins
An hour and a half ago
Yeah, and if you need to find me
I'll tell you where I am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck smack dab in the middle of this...
Traffic Jam
I have'nt moved one inch from his here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
Well I thought we were movin' but I guess we're not
'Cause I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the
middle)
Right here in the middle of the Traffic Jam
Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper...
Yay-hey!
There's a yuppie on a cellular phone
I'm gonna puke if I hear any more
There's a motorcycle zoomin' by me
Watch what happens when I open my door
Now we're all goin' nowhere fast
Well, I guess that's perfectly clear
I left home five hours ago
And I can still see my house from here
So if anybody's tryin' to find me
Well, I'll tel you where I am
Right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...
Traffic Jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
Now my back teeth are floatin' and my nerves are shot
And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the
middle)
Stuck right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Traffic jam, traffic jam, traffic jam---woo!
28.Talk Soup
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
I dated Siamese Twins, I slept with Bigfoot, too
Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue
'Cause I wanna tell the world about it
Right now
My dog's a narcoleptic, my mom's a circus freak
I gotta get a spot on Geraldo's show this week
'Cause I wanna tell the world about it
Right now
I'm just an anorexic, codependent, bingo, addict
Stripper born without a chin
And I'm only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
My wife ran off with Elvis, my boss shaved off my hair
I've got a thing for poodles and rubber underwear
And I wanna tell the world about it
Right now
I had a close encounter, I never chew my food
I got eleven nose jobs, I yodel in the nude
And I wanna tell the world about it
Right now
I'm just a cross-dressin', alcoholic, neo-Nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And I'm really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let me get this thing off my chest
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
I'm just your average schizophrenic, nymphomaniac
Albino go-go dancer, you see
Nothin' so bad that I can't share it
With a billion friends on national TV, whoa
I have no genitalia, I sold my kids for cheese
I love my blow up doll, so bring out those cameras, please
'Cause I gotta tell the world about it
Right now
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
Talk soup
Talk soup
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me
(Listen to me, listen to me)
29.Livin' In the Fridge
Lyricist：Hudson Mark Jeffrey, Perry Anthony Joseph, Tallarico Steven
There's something weird in the fridge today
I don't know what it is
Food, I can't recognize
My roommate won't throw a thing away
I guess it's probably his
It looks like it's alive
And livin' in the fridge, livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the fridge, livin' in the fridge
There's something gross in the fridge today
It's green and growin' hair, it's been there since July
If you can name the object in that baggie over there
Then mister, you're a better man than I
It's livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
Tell me, do you think it should be carbon dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea？
You try to save a little bit of you're home cookin'
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen
It always happens my friend
Again and again and again and again
Somethin' stinks in the fridge today
And it's been rottin' there all week
It could be liver cake or wooly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should another peek
Ah, livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
(Dysentery, dysentery)
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
30.She Never Told Me She Was A Mime
When we first met she seemed perfectly normal
I never dreamed she'd make my life so hard
You see, my baby, she started to change
Started lookin' kinda strange
Wearin' all that white makeup and those black leotards
Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well
Now ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life
Has been a living hell
That's right, you see...
She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time
She never told me, she nver told me she was a....
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime
I wish we both could just talk it all over
But my baby won't even make a sound
Now she makes everybody sick
Doin' that pantomime shtick
Even our old friends have stopped coming around
Well, my parents can't stand her and the neighbors hate her guts
She's really, really embarrassing me...this silent treatment's
Driving me Nuts!
You see...
She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime..Oh no
Now she's actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all
the time...
What a crime
She never told (she never told me) she never told me she
Was a mime
She walks against the wind everywhere we go
Stops at every corner, gotta put on a show
Carries 'round a picture of Marcel Marceau
Always was the quiet type, but how was I to know？
She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime..Oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the
Ti-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yime
She never told me, she never told me she was a mime
31.Harvey The Wonder Hamster
Oh, Harvey, Harvey
Harvey the Wonder Hamster
He doesn't bite and he doesn't squeal
He just runs around on his hamster wheel
Harvey, Harvey
Harvey The Wonder Hamster
HEY HARVEY!!!
32.Waffle King
It took a lifetime, but finally found
The perfect waffle recipe
You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin'
town
One little bite any I'm sure you'll agree
Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak
Aw, You're gonna lick your plate clean
People come from miles around just to study my technique
I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen
I'm the Waffle King (yeah)
Waffle King
That's what they call me
Waffle King
Hey, I'm the Waffle King
Everywhere I go now, the people cheer
I never have to wait in line
People say, 'Right this way, sir, your money's no good here'
Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine
And everybody say, 'Well I'm your biggest fan!'
'I seen your picture in People Magazine!'
Folks come from all around the world just to shake my hand
If you don't believe in the power of the WAFFLE lemme show you
Just what I mean
I the Waffle King
Make you scream and shout
Waffle King
That's my name, don't wear it out
Waffle King
Make no mistake about it
I'm the Waffle King (yeah)
Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come!
All you peons better scram
Out of my way now, you worthless piece of scum
Don't you know who I am？
Hey!
I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools
Everybody on your Knees!
You wanna buy a waffle, you're playing by MY rules
Go on, beg me, lemme here you say ,'Pretty Please'
Can't you tell the universe revolves around me？
Don't you know you suckers owe me everything？
And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there
Could ever be？
Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing
Come on now...
Waffle King
Hey batter batter
Waffle King
Hot on your platter
Waffle King
Say, what's the matter
Don't you know who I am？
Don't you know who I am？
Tell 'em girls
(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Yeah Yeah
(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Tell the truth now
(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Don't you know who I am？
Don't you know who I am？
33.Bohemian Polka
Is this the real life？
Is this just fantasy？
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy
I need no sympathy
'Cause I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows
Doesn't really matter me, to me
Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time, tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come, sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh
(Any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish, I'd never been born at all
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo
Galileo Figaro, Magnifico, hey, hey, hey
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah, no, we will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah, we will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah, we will not let you go, let him go
Will not let you go, let me go
Will not let you go, let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me
So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So, you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
(Nothing matters, nothing matters, nothing matters)
Anyway the wind
Anyway the wind
Anyway the wind blows, hey
34.Trigger Happy
Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel all right
Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night
There's no feeling any greater
Than to shoot first and ask questions later
Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Well you can't take my guns away, I got a
Constitutional right
Yeah, I gotta be ready if the commies attack us tonight
I'll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson
That out to teach 'em all a darn good lesson
Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Oh yeah, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh baby, I'm) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have
To blow you away
Oh, I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den
I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again
Now why'd you have to get so mad？
It's just a lousy flesh wound, Dad
You know I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet
Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet
I filled that kitty cat so full of lead
We'll have to use him for a pencil instead
Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Oh yeah, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh baby, I'm) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have
To blow you away
Come on and grab your ammo
What have you got to lose？
We'll all get liquored up
And shoot at anything that moves
Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight
Oh, I'm prayin' somebody tries to break in here tonight
I alwaays keep a Magnum in my trunk
You better ask yourself, do you feel lucky, punk？
Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Oh yeah, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh baby, I'm) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy
Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have
To blow you away
35.I Can't Watch This
Lyricist：M C Hammer, Rick James, Alonzo Miller, Weird Al Yankovic
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my Lord
What is this garbage here？
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch
I told you homeboy, I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know, I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man, I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control, I can't watch this
Talkin' 'bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody's poor old mom falls down off the roof
Lands right on the lawn, face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kind of show, uh, I can't watch
Yo, I told you, I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man, I can't watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker, I can't watch this
Cosby Show and Rosanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rain Man to like this guy
Thirty Something is alright If you like hearing
Yuppies whining all night, can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks
Those Siskel and Ebert bums oughta go home and sit on their
thumbs
That's word because you know, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, break it down
Here's how to order, money back guarantee
Removes tough stains fast, it tastes more like fresh peanuts
They keep going and going, don't hate me, because I'm beautiful
Could be dandruff, our prices are insane
Stop, Prime Time
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes 'Woof woof woof' and waves his fist in the air
Those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
Flip, flip, flip, eww, I can't watch this
Look man, I can't watch this
I can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this, pay the bills, station break, break it down
Operators are standing, cubic zirconium necklace
You're soaking in it, and our fabulous swimsuit issue
When you've got a headache this big, read the book
This is your brain on drugs, I've fallen and I can't get up
Stop, Cable Time
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like 'em more after my lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk？
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk
Just brainless blood and guts
And mindless T＆A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy
It's stupid, gonna throw my set away
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, yeah I can't watch this
I told you, can't watch this, too hip, can't watch this
Get me outta here, can't watch this
36.Polka Your Eyes Out
Rock the cradle of love Rock the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Don't rock easy, it's true
Rock the cradle of love
I rocked the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Don't rock easy, it's true
Doo doo doo doo doo doodooo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doodoo doo
(doo doo doo doo doo doodooo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doodoo doo)
The Love Shack is a little old place where
We can get together
Love Shack, baby
(Love Shack, baby, Love Shack)
Hey!
Pump up the jam (hey!) Pump up the jam (hey!)
Pump up the jam, pump it up!
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
The things you say
Your purple prose just gives you away
The things you say
You're unbelievable
(Oh!)
Do me, baby, do me, baby
You can do me in the morning, you can
Do me in the night
You can do me when you wanna do me
Yodel-ay-ee-hoo!
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land
The Humpty Dance your chance to do the Hump
Do me, baby
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Do me, baby
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Look so good, make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi
Woo!
Drum solo!
I miss you much (M-O-I miss youou much)
I really miss you much (M-I-S-S you much)
I miss you much (M-O-I miss you much)
I really miss you much
Hey, I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes you feel all right
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's gonna be your Frankenstein
Let's kick it!
If you got a problem, (yo!) I'll solve it
Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it
Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby...Word to your mother!
Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby, forever
I'll be your ice, ice, baby!
Hey!
37.I Was Only Kidding
When I said I'd be faithful
When I promised I'd be true
When I swore that I could never
Be with anyone but you
When I told you that I loved you
With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding
Now, can't you take a joke？
When I said that I need you, baby
When I told you I really care
When I said that I can't live without you
When I said I'd follow you anywhere
When I said you could always trust me
When I said I'd never leave you flat
Well, gues what？ I was only kidding, baby
I can('t belieeeeeve you fell for that! You're so gullible...
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the
fact remains
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
Well I guess I got you pretty good, now listen
When I said that I love you baby
From the very bottom of my heart
When I said that I miss you so baby
Every second that we're apart
When I swore that you're just getting more and more
Beautiful every day
Well, I was only kidding, honey
What's that matter with you anyway？
Let me tell you something
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I guess it probably hurts you a bit, but
you gotta know,
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
I really love you; not!
When I said you oughta marry me
When I said that we should settle down
Well, I was pullin' your leg there, honey
I was just foolin' around
You see, I-I never meant to upset you, darlin'
I never meant to hurt anyone
I was only kidding, baby
Why don't you just put down that gun？
Let's talk this over
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) Watch where you're pointing that thing!
(I was only kidding) Hey, I'm sorry if your heart is broke, you
gotta realize,
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) Whoa yeah
(I was only kidding)
38.The White Stuff
Lyricist：Maurice Starr, Al Yankovic
The white stuff, the white stuff
The first one was a sweet one
Second one was a blast
Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast
You can see 'em in my teeth
Tell it when I talk
Had so many my pancreas just went into shock
I love the white stuff, baby
In the middle of an Oreo
I love the white stuff, baby
It's the most delicious thing I know
I've had a zillion or two
In my life, they're so right
My teeth are all rotted clear through
But who cares？ What else am I supposed to do？
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo
What's in the middle？ The white stuff
The first time that I tried it
Got a big sugar buzz
Nothing gets me high as that sandwich cookie does
But I love the filling most
I rub it on my roast
Mix it in with my coffee and spread it on my toast
I love the white stuff, baby
In the middle of an Oreo
I love the white stuff, baby
Take some with me everywhere I go
Might get a pimple or two
Well, so what？ It's all right
Now Twinkies and Ding Dongs won't do
All I need, you know what it is
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo
What's in the middle？ The white stuff
39.When I Was Your Age
Let me tell you, sonny. Let me set you straight
You kids today ain't never had it rough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothing's good enough
Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees
below
We had to walk butt naked through forty miles of snow
Worked in the coal mine twenty two hours a day for just half a
cent
Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent
When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age
Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
There's something wrong with all you kids today
You just don't appreciate all the things you've got
We were hungry, broke and miserable
And we liked it better that way
There were seventythree of us living in a cardboard box
All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt
If we were really good we didn't get dessert
When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age
Didn't have no telephone didn't have no FAX machine
All we had was a couple of cans and a crummy piece of string
Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad
Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had
Didn't have no dental floss had to use old rusty nails
Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails
Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass
Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass
What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't believe this
junk？
You think my story's wearin' kinda thin？
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline
Dad would whop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whop ourselves
Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain
When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age
40.Taco Grande
Lyricist：Gerardo Mejia, A Slezynger, Rosa Soy, Carlos Christian
Warren, Al Yankovic
Taco grande, Taco grande
Yo quiero chimichangas y chile colorado
Yo tengo el dinero para un steak picado
Las flautas y tamales, siempre muy bueno
Y el chile relleno
You see, I just gotta have a tostada, carne asada
That's right, I want the whole enchilada
My only addiction has to do with a flour tortilla
I need a quesadilla
I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbÃfn
With my friends, or when I'm all alone
Yo tengo mucho hambre y ahora lo quiero
Un burrito ranchero
So give me something spicy and hot, now
Break out the menu, what you got, now？
Oh, would you tell the waiter
I'd like to have sour cream on the side
You better make sure the beans are refried
Taco grande, Taco grande
Well, there's not a taco big enough for a man like me
That's why I order two or three
Let me give you a tip, just try a nacho chip
It's really good with bean dip
I eat uno, dos, tres, quarto burritos
Pretty soon I can't fit in my Speedos
Well, I hope they feed us lots of chicken fajitas
And a pitcher of margaritas
Well, the combination plates
All come with beans and rice
The taquitos here are very nice
Now I'm down on my knees
We need some extra tomatoes and cheese
And could you make that separate checks, please？
Taco grande, Taco grande
Buenos noches, senor bienvenido
A el burritos casa de salsa
Tenemos muchos platos muy sabrosos
Si puedo recomendar el ardiente pollo
Al infierno muy delicioso
Sus ojos se quemaran
Su estomago estara en fuego
Se quedaran en el bañ
O por una semana, entiendes
Lo que digo gringo estupido tonto？'
Well, the food is coming, I can hardly wait
Now watch your fingers, careful hot plate
What you think you're doing with my chile con queso？
Well, if you want some, just say so
Oh boy, pico de gallo
They sure don't make it like this in Ohio
No gracias, yo quiero jalepentildeos, nada mÃfs
You can toss away the hot sauce
Donde estan los nachos？ Holy frijole
You better get me a bowl of guacamole
Y busted, Eugene？ Why's your face turning green？
Don't you like pinto beans？
You want some more cinnamon crispas？
If you don't, hasta la vista
Just take the rest home in a doggie bag if you wanna
You can finish it mantildeana
Well, it's been a pleasure, I can't eat no more
Sentildeor, la cuenta, por favor
If you ain't tried real Mexican cooking, well, you oughta
Just don't drink the water
41.Airline Amy
Met this pretty young stewardess on a non-stop flight
She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight
Now lately I've been flying to all kinds of places
That I never really wanted to go
'Cause I'll do anything just to spend a little time
With the cutest flight attendant I know
You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flier, Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
Every one of our dates is at thirty thousand feet
She always points out the exits to me, she's so sweet
You know she gets me my headphones for free
Refills my coffee cup whenever I ask
And you gotta admit my baby looks pretty hot
When she ain't wearin' that oxygen mask
You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flier, Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
Amy, darlin', don't you know, you really drive me nuts
Every time you're handing out those honey roasted peanuts
Airline Amy, this is my new mission
Gotta get you in an upright locked position
You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flier, Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
42.The Plumbing Song
Lyricist：Roger Dalton, Brad Howell, Franz Reuther, Diane Eve Warren,
Alfred Matthew Yankovic
Who fixes plumbing problems in a flash？
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week？
Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand
But plumbing's one thing I don't understand
It's true, haven't got a clue
B b baby, I can tell you've got a big problem
When I flush the john, then your shower goes on
Baby, now watcha gonna do？
If Drano's a joke and your plunger is broke
Baby, call the mensch with a monkey wrench
Baby, he'll be there for you
Shower's backing up, water won't go down？
Ba ba ba baby, don't forget my plumber
Ba ba ba baby, sink's been stopped up all summer
Ba ba ba baby, better call the plumber, he'll know what to do
Pipes been blowing up, pipes been breaking down
And the carpet's soaked right through
Ba, ba, ba, kitchen's flooded too
Ba, ba, ba, girl, you know it's true
B b betcha this guy makes more than my lawyer
If he works for one day, costs you half a year's pay
Baby, he can be here by two
So if you've got cash, he'll be there in a flash
Makin' service calls in his overalls
Baby, he'll do his best for you
Sewer's backing up, got you feelin' down？
Ba ba ba baby, don't forget my plumber
Ba ba ba baby, leaky pipes are a bummer
Ba ba ba baby, time to call the plumber, maybe call a few
Got a problem with plumbing？ Gotta blame it on something？
Blame it on the drain, it was cloggin', cloggin'
Blame it on the faucet that drips all night
If hairballs, grease and goo won't let the water through
Blame it on the drain, yeah, yeah
When I flush the john, now when I flush the john
It turns the shower on
Ba ba ba baby, better call my plumber
He'll know what to do
Call now, we're in the yellow pages
43.You Don't Love Me Anymore
We've been together for so long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong？
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down
I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist
Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car？
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm begging
Won't you put down that knife？
You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft
Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer？
Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore
You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers
Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead
Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore
Oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
44.Stop Dragging My Car Around
Had to park my car for just five minutes.
I had to go inside to use the phone.
When I came back again, my car was gone. Well,
I didn't know it was a loading zone.
What a bummer, I as so brought down.
I had to chase that tow truck a over town, yellin'
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my car around.
Took my baby to the local disco.
I was jumpin' like a maniac.
But the owner came and pulled me off the floor. Then
He took me to his little office in the back.
He said, 'I really like your snaggletooth necklace.
Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay.
But, man, that car of yours is so uncool.
Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away!'
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my car around!
Now I'm at home. I'm watchin' 'Gilligan's Island.'
Guess it's time to trade my old car in.
For twenty dollars and my '64 Plymouth,
Maybe I could get a second-hand Schwinn.
Look out the window, there's a
Tow truck in the driveway.
I grabbed the driver and I asked him why.
He said, 'I'm sorry, kid, you're late with the payments.
It's time to kiss your little car goodbye.'
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my car around!
Stop draggin' my car around!
Listen, the check's in the mail. No, really!
Stop draggin' my car around!
Oh man, I just had the hub caps painted!
Stop draggin' my car around!
Hey! Hey, I left a sandwich in the back seat!
45.Money For Nothing／Beverly Hillbillies
Lyricist：Paul Henning, Mark Knopfler, Sting, Alfred Matthew Yankovic
Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies
Huh, now look here people, listen to my story
The little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something？ That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed
Now, let me tell you, one day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude
Oil that is well, maybe you call it
Black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale
And be a Beverly Hillbilly
Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little Clampet got his own cement pond
That little Clampet, he's a millionaire
Now, everyone said, 'Californie
Is the place that you oughta be'
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly Hills, that is
Swimming pools, move-a, move-a, movie stars
Huh, look at that, look at that
Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies
(Y'all come back now, ya hear？)
Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies
Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies
Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies
46.Gandhi II
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Next week on U-62, he's back
And this time he's mad
Gandhi II
No more Mr. Passive Resistance
He's out to kick some butt
This is one bad mother
You don't wanna mess with
'Don't move, slime ball'
He's a one-man wrecking crew
But he also knows how to party
'Gimme a steak, medium rare'
There is only one law, his law
Gandhi II
47.Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
They showed up on my doorstep
Just a couple weeks ago
They looked so sweet and harmless
Tell me, how was I to know
They got a little too close to the microwave
And then much to my surprise
They grew to forty thousand times their original size
They started mutatin' right before my eyes, oh my
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
A race from a distant place
They came in UFOs shaped just like Cuban cigars
Man oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal
Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
The president, he's is a panic
The pentagon, they're in shock
There's a team of research scientists
They got 'em workin' 'round the clock
Now the National Guard is out in my backyard
And the Marines'll be comin' around
I hope they get this lousy rodents out of my town
'Cause the property values are goin' way down now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack
And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars
I hope they're not plannin' to stay
Who invited them here anyway
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp
And there's one the size of central park
They're using telephone pole to pick their teeth
They're evil and nasty and they glow in the dark
Oh, don't waste any more of your bullets, boys
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot
They're gonna stomp us into jelly and conquer the world
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute, now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
What a racket they're makin', Jack
They keep me up at night playin' they're electric guitars
Listen to 'em squeal
They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Hey Jack, you better watch your back
Here come those hamsters from a planet near mars
Well, well, it's called the
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet
A planet near Mars
48.Isle Thing
Lyricist：Matt Dike, Mike Ross, Al Yankovic, Marvin Young
Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K
She made a date for a half past eight and I said, 'What the
hey？'
So I journeyed to her crib and I let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch, I think her brain was
fried
Couldn't figure it out, she wouldn't even look at me
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized, cold glued to her TV
'Hey, what's your problem, baby doll, let's have a little fling'
She said, 'Hey, you fool, now just be cool
I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle thing'
Isle thing, isle thing
Watchin' all night, musta been a marathon
I was bummin', those shows kept comin', here's what was goin' on
These castaways were stranded on this island out at sea
One of 'em called Gilligan, said, 'Let's name it after me'
He'd mess up every rescue, man, that first mate was illin'
If I was one of those Castaways, I think I'd probably kill 'em
Just about that time, telephone began to ring
She said, 'Just let it, my machine'll get it
We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing
She loves that Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing, please, baby, baby, please
I like the professor, he always saved their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts
She said, 'That guy's a genius', I shook my head and laughed
I said, 'If he's so fly, they tell me why, he couldn't build a
lousy raft？'
And while we're on the subject, I'll tell you one thing for sure
Those homeboys brought an awful lot for just a three hour tour
Then her mom came in the room, it was kind of embarrassing
She said, 'Hey, you two, I was once like you
And I loved that Gilligan's Isle thing'
Isle thing, she'd watch that Gilligan's Isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please
Skipper's in a hammock, he's looking kinda fat
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit old Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Hal got it goin' on, but Mr. Hal was meaner
Ginger and Mary Anne could've used some funky, cold medina
I was really diggin' this show, I didn't know what to do
It kinda looked like I was hooked, now I'm an addict too
I know each episode by heart, now I'm the rerun king
And on every date we both stay up late
And we watch the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing, hasta la vista, little buddy
Gilligan's Isle thing
49.The Hot Rocks Polka
Lyricist：Mick Jagger, Keith Richards
If I could stick my hand in my heart
Spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy you, would it slide on by you？
Would you think the boy is strange, ain't it strange？
If I could win, if I could sing
A love song so divine
Would it be enough for your cheating heart
If I broke down and cried, if I cried？
I said, I know it's only rock 'n' roll but I like it
I know it's only rock 'n' roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do
I really, really, really, really, do, do, do, do, hey
Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doing all right
Hear him with the women just around midnight
(Brown sugar)
How come you taste so good？
(Brown sugar)
Just like a young girl should
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need
You need honky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues
Under my thumb, the girl who once had me down
Under my thumb, the girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me, yes, it is, the way she talks
When she's spoken too down to me
The change has come, she's under my thumb
So, goodbye ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you
When you change with every new day？
Still, I'm gonna miss you
Woo woo woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo woo
Woo woo woo woo
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
(Woo woo)
I've been around for a long, long year
So many a man sold in faith
(Woo woo)
Pleased to meet you
(Woo woo)
Hope you guessed my name
(Woo woo, woo woo, woo woo)
'Cause what's puzzling you
(Woo woo)
Is the nature of my game
(Woo woo, woo woo, woo woo)
I said, hey, you, get off of my cloud
(Hey, you)
Hey, you, get off of my cloud
(Hey, you)
Hey, you, get off of my cloud
(Hey, you)
Don't hang around 'cause two's a crowd
Shay-do-bay, shatter
Shay-do-bay, shatter
Laughter, joy, and loneliness
And sex and sex, and sex, and sex
Look at me, I'm in tatters
(Shay-do-bay)
I'm shattered
(Shay-do-bay, shatter)
This doesn't happen to me every day, oh my
(Let's spend the night together)
No excuses offered anyway, oh my
(Let's spend the night together)
I'll satisfy your every need
(Every need)
And now I know you'll satisfy me
Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, my
Let's spend the night together
Now I need you more than ever
Let's spend the night together now
(Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, my)
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no girlie action
'Cause I try
(And I try)
And I try
(And I try)
And I try
(And I try)
And I try
(And I try)
I can't get no, I can't get no
I can't get no satisfaction
Satisfaction, satisfaction, hey
50.UHF
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Put down your remote control, throw out your TV guide
Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside
Don't you know, that we control the horizontal
We control the vertical, too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That's what we gonna do now
Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up the volume, and yank off the knob
We got it all
(We got it all)
We got it all on UHF
Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework, prime time ain't no time to
think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen
If you know what I mean, now
Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up the volume, and yank off the knob
We got it all
(We got it all)
We got it all on UHF
You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night
You can watch us any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
'Til your brain turns into cottage cheese, well, now
Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
(We got it all on UHF)
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
(We got it all on UHF)
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
You gotta crank up the volume, and yank off the knob
We got it all
(We got it all)
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
...
51.Let Me Be Your Hog
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Let me be your hog
Let me be your hog, now
I said, baby, baby, baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
52.She Drives Like Crazy
Lyricist：Roland Gift, David Steele, Al Yankovic
Where'd you learn how to steer？
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me
She drives like crazy
Like no-one else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself
They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight
In the middle of the interstate
Tires squeal wherever we go
Even hitchhikers just say no
She drives like crazy
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish I guess
She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's drivin'
The Bat mobile
Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over the traffic cones
Passin' semi's on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white
She drives like crazy
She'll break our necks
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks
She drives like crazy
Like no-one else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself
She drives like crazy
Like no-one else
53.Generic Blues
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
I woke up this morning, then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning, then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my
underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'
Well, I ain't got not money, I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walking down this lonely, old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code
I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tiles
My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child
I got the blues so bad, kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead
I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking
Sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime
Nothing but a low down, beer bellied, bone headed, pigeon toed
Turkey necked, weasel faced, worthless hunk of slime
I guess I got a pretty low self image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the
time
Make it talk
Oh, make it talk, son, make it talk
OK, now make it shut up
Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my
brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the
drain
I got the blues so bad, kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama
Or maybe I'll go bowlin', or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament
Put on a stupid looking shirt and go bowling instead, yeah
54.Spatula City
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
There's just one place to go, for all your spatula needs
Spatula City
Spatula City
A giant warehouse of spatulas, for every occasion
Thousands to choose from, in every shape, size, and colour
And because we eliminate the middle man
We can sell all our spatulas, factory, direct to you
Where do you go when you want to buy name brand spatulas
At a fraction of retail cost？
Spatula City
Spatula City
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation
sale
Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny
Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents
And what better way to say, 'I love you' than, with the gift of
a spatula？
Spatula City
Spatula City
Hello, this is Sy Greenblum
President of the Spatula City
I liked their spatulas, so much, I bought the company
Spatula City, seven locations, we're in the yellow pages under
spatulas
My, where did you get that lovely spatula？
Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all
55.The Biggest Ball of Twine In Minnesota
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at 'Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing'
So one night when my family and I were gathered 'round the
dinner table
I said, 'Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world
now
Where'd you like to go ta？'
They said, 'Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in
Minnesota'
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled wieners
Crossword puzzles, Spider-Man comics
And mama's home made rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway and the neighbors
They all waved good-bye and so began our three day journey
We picked up a guy holding a sign that said, 'Twine ball or
bust'
He smelled real bad and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair
net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down
Yelling, 'Are we there yet？'
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53
DeSoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled wieners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy I wish the kids could've
seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals from all the places where we've already been
Like Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum
The Boll Weevil Monument and Cranberry World
The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock
And The Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums
And the place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches
But there's still one thing we gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6：39
And we saw the sign that said, 'Twine Ball exit, fifty miles'
Oh, the kids were so happy they started singing
'99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall' for the twenty-seventh time
that day
So, we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled wieners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Finally, at 7：37 early Wednesday evening
As the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon
It appeared to me like a vision before my unbelieving eyes
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence
Toward that glorious, huge, majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer intensity
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays
In a little shrine under a makeshift pagoda
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of
thing？
Oh, windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of
string
What was he trying to prove？ Who was he trying to impress？
Why did he build it？ How did he do it？ It's anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine？ What was goin' through his mind？
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time？
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
'Now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a
reason'
I said, 'Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our
car
And we can take it home', but I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine
Some window decals and anything else they'd sell us
And I bought a couple postcards
'Greetings from the twine ball, wish you were here'
Won't the folks back home be jealous？
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball
And we all gathered 'round and said, 'Cheese'
The Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic
But at least we got our memories
So we all just stared at the ball for a while
And my eyes got moist but I said with a smile
'Kids, this here's what America's all about'
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside
And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unraveled that sucker
It'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
'Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, 'Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go'
Then I winked my eye and I said
'You know, I got a funny kind of feelin'
We'll be comin' back again next year'
'Cause I've been all around this great big world
And I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather go ta
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
56.Like a Surgeon
Lyricist：Thomas Kelly, Billy Steinberg, Alfred Matthew Yankovic
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern
I still make a mistake or two
I was last in my class
Barely passed at the institute
Now I'm trying to avoid, yeah, I'm trying to avoid
A malpractice suit
Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gauche nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last
Let me see, that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate
I'll pull his insides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
It's a fact, I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die, yeah my patients die
Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, ooh, like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors
Oh ho, oh ho
Ooh baby, yeah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time
57.Dare to Be Stupid
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can
While Mr. Wipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave
And get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you chew
What can you do？
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you, let's go
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer？
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'til you're broke and they drive you away
It's okay, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid
(Yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid？
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch leave it to beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do？
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did I say？
Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say？
Dare to be stupid
It's alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid
I can't hear you
Dare to be stupid
Okay, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid
Let's go, dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
58.I Want a New Duck
Lyricist：C Hayes, Huey Lewis, Al (parody Lyr) Yankovic
Woh oh, I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night
I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat
One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duct tape
I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink
I want a new duck
One that won't steal a beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here
One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down, baby
Get it？
Quack, quack, quack, quack
Quack, quack, quack, quack
I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake, I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce
I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt too much
One that won't smell too foul
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yah, yah
Quack, quack, quack, quack
Quack, quack, quack, quack
59.One More Minute
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Well I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you
That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you
I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feelin' down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self service pumps
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again
Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled
With double edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it 'till I die
Than spend one more minute with you
60.Yoda
Lyricist：Ray Davies, Al (parody Lyr) Yankovic
I met him in a swamp down in dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said, 'Yoda'
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, 'Go to Yoda and he'll show you the force'
Well, I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
Though with my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
So I used the force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said
He said, 'Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the force be your guide'
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray
The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
61.George Of The Jungle
Lyricist：Sheldon Allman, Jay Ward, Stan Worth
George, George, George of the jungle
Strong as he can be
Ah, watch out for that tree
George, George, George of the jungle
Lives a life that's free
Ah, watch out for that tree
When he gets in scrapes
When he makes his escapes
With the help of his friend
An ape named Ape
Then away he'll schlep
On his elephant Shep
While Fella and Ursula
Stay in step with
George, George, George of the jungle
Friend to you and me
Ah, watch out for that tree
Watch out for that tree
George, George, George of the Jungle
Friend to you and me
62.Slime Creatures From Outer Space
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
Things just haven't been the same
Since the flying saucer came
Now the aliens are on the loose
Well, we tried to hold 'em back
Tried to ward off their attack
But our atom bombs were just no use
They were ugly, they were mean
Biggest heads I ever seen
They made everybody scream and shout
First they leveled Tokyo
Then New York was next to go
Boy, I really wish they'd cut it out
They wasted everybody on my block
There goes the neighborhood
They'll zap you with their death ray eyes
And blow you up real good
Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're not very nice to the human race
(Slime creatures from outer space)
There's more comin' everyday
And they just won't go away
Now they're reproducing in the sewers
They got slimy lizard skin
And an evil lookin' grin
And they sure could use some manicures
They got hands all covered with fungus
They got eyes like some kinda bug
I sure hope they don't come in here
I just shampooed the rug
Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're really makin' a mess of this place
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They'll rip your head off just for fun
They'll paralyze your mind
They're wearin' out their welcome
I don't think I like their kind
They'll suck your brain out through a straw
You just can't trust those guys
So hide the children, lock the doors
And always watch the skies
Look out, here come the
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're an intergalactic disgrace
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
I wish they'd just get outta my face
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're makin' a big fat mess of this place
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)
Oh, where did they come from？
(Slime creatures)
What do they want from us？
(Slime creatures)
Who do they think they are？
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)
Why don't they leave me alone？
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)
They're really getting on my nerves
63.Girls Just Want to Have Lunch
Lyricist：Robert Hazard, Al Yankovic
Some girls like to buy new shoes
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch
I know how to keep a woman satisfied
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide
They're always in the mood for something to munch
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch
Oh, girls just wanna have
That's all they really want, some lunch
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch
'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch
Girls, they watch, wanna to have lunch
Girls, wanna have
She eats like she got a hole in her neck
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch
Oh, girls just wanna have
That's all they really want, is some lunch
Don't know for certain but I've got a hunch
Those girls, they wanna have lunch
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch
Girls, they watch, wanna have lunch
Girls, wanna have
They just wanna, they just wanna
Girls, they just wanna, they just wanna
Girls just wanna have lunch, girls
Girls just wanna have lunch
They just wanna, they just wanna
They just wanna, they just wanna
They just wanna
64.This Is the Life
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
I eat filet mignon seven times a day
My bathtub's filled with Perrier
What can I say？
This is the life
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood
I hire somebody to chew my food
I'm an upwardly mobile dude
This is the life
They say that money corrupts you
But I can't really tell
I got the whole world at my feet
And I think it's pretty swell
I got women lined up outside my door
They've been waitin' there since the week before
Who could ask for more？
This is the life
You're dead for a real long time
You just can't prevent it
So if money can't buy happiness
I guess I'll have to rent it
Yeah, every day I make the front page news
No time to pay my dues
I got a million pairs of shoes
This is the life
I got a solid gold Cadillac
I make a fortune while I sleep
You can tell I'm a living legend
Not some ordinary creep
No way, I'm the boss, the Big Cheese
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees
I can do just what I please
This is the life
That's right, I'm the king, number one
I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton
I pay the bills, I call the shots
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts
One thing I can guarantee
The best things in life, they sure ain't free
It's such a thrill just to be me
This is the life
This is the life
65.Cable TV
Lyricist：Al Yankovic
I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin' me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable TV
And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean
Midget wrestling on Channel Three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em
Yeah, but that's all right with me
I got cable TV
(Cable TV)
A cable TV
(Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV
I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network
The news and weather from Peru
I got celebrity hockey
The Racketball Channel too
Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta
Mr. Wizard is on at five
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car
So I can watch MTV while I drive
I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs
The kind you just can't get for free
Now I never wanna leave my apartment
'Cause there's just so much for me to see
On my cable TV
(Cable TV)
A cable TV
(Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me you know where I'll be
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah
Watchin' my cable TV
'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV
My friends are gettin' kinda worried
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak
Oh, but they're just jealous 'cause I've seen Porky's
Twenty-seven times this week
On my cable TV
(Cable TV)
A cable TV
(Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me
I love my cable TV, yeah
I love my cable TV
Well, I got to have cable TV, yeah
I need my cable TV
Well, I love, I love my cable TV
(TV)
Got to have cable TV
(TV)
Well, I got to have my cable TV, yeah
(TV)
Can't live without my cable TV
Well, I said, got to have some cable TV
(TV)
I've got to have my cable TV
I said cable TV, yeah
(TV)
Got to have cable TV
(TV)
(TV)
66.Hooked On Polkas
You're takin' to me good,
Just like you know you should.
You get me on my knees,
Please, baby, please.
She looks so great, everytime I see her face.
She put me in a state (ooh, state of shock)
Top coat. Top hat.
I don't worry, 'cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades. White glove.
Lookin' sharp. Lookin' for love.
They come a-runnin' just as fast as they can,
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man, hey!
Whoo! Ah ha!
Oh, what's love, got to do, got to do with it？
What's love but a second-hand emotion？
What's love got to do, got to do with it？
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken？
M E T H O D O F L O V E,
It's the method of modern love.
Owner of a lonely heart.
Owner of a lonely heart,
Much better than the
Owner of a broken heart.
Owner of a lonely heart.
We're not gonna take it. No!
We ain't gonna take it.
We're not gonna take it, any more.
Neun und neunzig luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont.
Denkst du vielleicht Grad an mich.
Dann singe ich ein Lied fur dich.
Now I gotta cut loose. Footloose.
Kick off my Sunday shoes.
Please! Louise! Pull me off-a my knees.
Jack! Get back! Come on, before we crack!
Loose! You're blues. Ev'ry body cut footloose!
So why don't you use it.
Try not to bruise it.
Find time, don't lose it.
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna go to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna sock it to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
When you wanna come.
When you want to come.
67.Headline News
Lyricist：Brad Roberts, Al (arr) Yankovic
Once there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore
And brought along his spraypaint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be
A figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better
So she hired some guy
To club her in the knee cap
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
They got paid for their sound-bites
And sold their TV movie rights
And then there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night
That she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that little Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain
It had always just been there
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
68.Snack All Night
I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
{Well, well, this evening／While the work is sleeping} I'll be
munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen
Gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
(Right, yeah,)
If no one's 'round to see you, it don't matter if you snack all
night
A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
(Right, yeah,)
If you don't mind the cal'ries, it don't matter if you snack all
night
69.Chicken Pot Pie
When we were young, Bernie's deli was down the block.
He made a great liver pate.
(You know he did. You know he did. You know he did.)
But if there's one thing in this world that I like better
Than a corned beef on rye,
It's chicken pot pie. Chicken pot pie.
Chicken pot pie. Chicken pot pie.
(clucking chorus)
70.It's Still Billy Joel To Me
What's the matter with the song he's singing？
Can't you tell that it's pretty lame？
After listening to a couple albums
well it all starts to sound the same.
So we tried to change his musical style.
He tossed all his albums in the circular file.
Famous sound, punk sound, breaking ground, all around,
it's still Billy Joel to me.
What's the matter with the tune he's writing？
Well you know it's gonna be a smash.
It's so nice when you're a big name artist,
'cause no matter if it sounds like trash.
Now everybody thinks the new wave is super.
Just ask Linda Rondstat, or even Alice Cooper.
It's a big hit, isn't it, even if it's a piece of -- JUNK,
it's still Billy Joel to me.
Oh, it doesn't matter what the critics say about him,
'cause he doesn't worry how they feel.
When your records sell a million
{they don't know if you're just whinin'／your last one's goin'
plat'num}
You don't worry 'bout your next meal,
'cause money's no big deal.
Maybe he should dye his hair bright {green／pink}
and stick a safety pin through his cheeks.
Then he'd really fit the new wave image,
but he couldn't sit down for weeks!
Don't you know about the record business, honey？
You gotta be trendy if you wanna make some money!
Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny,
but it's still Billy Joel to me!
(accordion solo...)
(If you listen closely here, you can hear someone yell 'All
right
Alfie!')
I can hardly wait for his next album,
well I bet it's gonna be the rage.
Buy a ticket to his next concert,
well I wonder what he'll do on stage.
It might be disco and it might be the blues,
or maybe even something like the B-52's.
But the hand-clap, baker's-snap, even if it's mindless rap
It's still Billy Joel to me
Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny,
but it's still Billy Joel to me.
71.Polka Patterns
Everywhere, I see them there, I stop and stare at patterns.
I don't care, I must declare, I got a flair for patterns.
On my hair, the clothes I wear, my savoir faire is patterns.
All I see are patterns, the patterns that repeat!
Let's go into the bathroom...
I know were in a room where you would not expect much math,
Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath,
But if you gaze upon the floor and if you're kind of smart,
You'll see the repetition is like geometric art!
Wow! Haha! Look!
Everywhere, I see them there, I stop and stare at patterns.
I don't care, I must declare, I got a flair for patterns.
On my hair, the clothes I wear, my savoir faire is patterns.
All I see are patterns, the patterns that repeat!
Hey!
A polka-meister like myself never has to be bored,
I just grab my act and play some patterns on my keyboard.
Now's the time for earplugs if you care about your health,
So stand back everybody, I'm going to express myself!
Look at that! Patterns!
I've got blisters on my fingers!
Woo! Hey!
Oh get down!
Yeah!
Help me somebody!
Still there？
Okay.
Next time you find yourself at an exciting polka party,
You can make some patterns with your feet and with your body,
If you don't know the steps yet, here's the gang with all the
answers,
Ladies and Gentlemen, introducting the 'Weird Al' Polka Dancers!
There they are.
Everywhere, we see them there, we stop and stare at patterns.
We don't care, we must declare, we've got a flair for patterns.
On our hair, the clothes we wear, our savoir faire is patterns.
All we see are patterns, the patterns that repeat!
Wallpaper, skyscrapers, funny papers, patterns!
Evergreens, nouvelle cuisine, human beings, patterns!
Garden rakes, wedding cakes, rattlesnakes, patterns!
Golden wheat, little feet, my heartbeat...
I gotta stop...
Patterns! Patterns! Patterns! Patterns!
72.Yoda Chant
da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da
dit dit da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta
cut teeta guddygayna
da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da
cutta cutta cutta cutta
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy
teeta cuddadit
naw nay
da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da
73.Pac Man
I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's Pacman!
Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an!
I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots
They call it 'Pacman'!
Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an!
At the game arcade
they say I'm 'hard core'
I can play all day
'til my hands are sore
And I quit my job
just to play some more
But I won't give up
'til I break high score
Well it's the Pacman!
Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an!
Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(Pacman! Get the cherry!)
So I'm gonna sell my house today
(Pacman! Eat 'em up!)
I'm playin' Pacman!
Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an!
Hey mom, I won't be home this year
(Pacma-an!)
Please forward all my mail right here!
(Pacma-an!)
I'm at the Pacman!
Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an!
...and you're playing with no one but me
Pacman!
74.Spy Hard
A man of intrigue
he lives for the thrill
Always has places to go
and people to kill
Danger is the game he plays
and he holds every card
Cause if you wanna win
you gotta spy hard
A man of the world
so suave and discreet
He trips over women
piled up at his feet
But evil's lurking
so he's always on his guard
Cause if your gonna spy
you better spy hard
He's always there
when the chips are beginning to fall
He wouldn't care if they kicked him and grabbed him and
shot him and stabbed him and nailed both his ears to the wall
Facing death everyday
is a tough job for any man
But his hours are flexible
and he's got a great dental plan
By the way if you walked in late
allow me to reiterate
The name of this movie is
Spy Hard
They call it Spy Hard
75.Gee, I'm a Nerd
Gee, I'm a nerd
Seen each Star Trek 80 times
Memorized each word
Home alone
On Friday nights
But I got 8 gigabytes
Left on my hard drive
I hope that I can get／I'm hooked as I can get／I hope Bernard can
get
Into the Internet
Maybe you would like to see my web page
I love my new PC
It means the world o me
So many things to download
Gee, I'm a nerd
All the jocks and muscle-heads
Flip me the bird
Cause I'm a nerd
Gee, I'm a nerd
76.Star Wars： The Saga Begins
Weird Al Yankovic
Miscellaneous
Star Wars：The Saga Begins
A long long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui Gon Jin
Could talk the federation into maybe cutting them a little Slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
And met Jar Jar in Bosnas
We took a bongo from the scene
And went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy
Oh my, my this here Annakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mummy goodbye
Saying 'Soon, I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave？
But he can use the force they say
Ah, do you see him hitting on the Queen？
Though he's just nine
And she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably going to marry her some day
Well I know he built C3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a pre-pubescent flying ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singing：
My, my this here Annakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mummy goodbye
Saying 'Soon, I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midichloreans readings were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophesy
Oh the council was impressed of course
'Could he bring balance to the force？
They interviewed the kid
Oh training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Quigon said 'Now listen here
Just stick it in your pointy ear
I still will teach this boy
He was singing：
My, my this here Annakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mummy goodbye
Saying 'Soon, I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amadala wanted to
I frankly would have liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane
And saved the day
And in the end some gunguns died
Some ships blew up
And some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul
And now he's toast
I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy
And I was singin'：
My, my this here Annakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mummy goodbye
Saying 'Soon, I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
We were singing：
My, my this here Annakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mummy goodbye
Saying 'Soon, I'm gonna be a Jedi'
'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
77.We're All Gay (Backstreet Boys)
Yeh,
We are on fire,
We have desires,
But one is that way,
One backstreet boy is gay,
But we don't want to be mean,
Since now he's a queen,
Don't ask me,
Which backstreet boy is gay？
Tell me who,
Aint saying that it's A.J
Tell me who aint saying that its howie,
Tell me who,
I never wanna hear u say,
Which backstreet boy is gay？
Now I can see him,
He's in women's clothes,
But he don't need an I.U.D yeh,
He likes village people,
He's playing croquet,
His dog is a peaking miss,
He is on fire,
His back perspires,
Won't say (won't say won't say) WHO'S GAY
He's always saying,
Aint nothing but a butt ache,
Aint nothing but a fruitcake,
I never wanna hear you say (never wanna hear you say),
Which one of us is gay？
Tell me who？
Aint saying that it's Brian (wwooaahh)
Tell me who,
Aint saying Nick or Kevin,
Tell me who,
He's making up a soufflé,
Which backstreet boy is gay？
Ok we're all gay!
78.Rice, Rice Baby
rice, rice baby
rice, rice baby
alright stop, grab a table and a menu
ice is back in his oriental venu
hungry, for a little chop sui
i want chinese , not hong kong fui
you know what you want
yo, cant decide
colum a, colum b
i like fried
barbeque spare ribs
my fingers im licken'
waiten' for the course
kung pow chicken
spicey
i mean hot like a stir fry
if you cant take it
order moo goo guy
pan
means chicken and mushroom
and while your on the soup
the food is here to soon
no substitute and betcha get hot tea
but you get
they say vegetable
but that means snow pea
if i get dessert
yo i deserve it
check out the chow while the waiter serves it
rice, rice baby
rice rice baby
your eating sweat and sour
but you will be hungry in less then an hour
use chop sticks it dont, it dont matter
fingers were made for a poo poo platter
egg rolling
with foo young
my dinner is cooking like connie chung
noodles on standby
chow mein nearby
eggdrop
no im a wonton soup guy
soy sauce
hot mustard smokin
my plate is clean
and my fortune cookie broken
bustin a bite of mongolian beef
get a mint toothpick for my
teethtakeout leftover low mein
if i eat any more i'll have a wait gain
if i get dessert yo i desserve
check out the chow while the waiter serves it
rice,rice baby
rice, rice baby
yo man lets get out of here
tip tip the waitress
rice rice baby to go
rice rice baby to go
79.The Devil Went Down To Jamaica
the devil went to jamaica
he was lookin' to sell some weed
he was doin' fine
they were standin' in line
it was excellent weed indeed
when he came across a young man
who was likewise peddelin' pot
and the devil slid down the beach to the kid
and said 'boy lemme tell you what'
i guess you kinda figured i'm a reefer head of course
and after all this time
i guess that i'm
a connoisseur of sorts
now your stuff smells ok
but this could tranquilize a horse
i'll bet a million in cash
against your stash
coz i think mine's better than yours
the boy said 'my name's johnny and you ain't smoked nothin' yet'
one hit of this grass
will kick your ass
you got yourself a bet
johnny roll a ball of hash
and make sure it's the bomb
coz the devil's got the kind of stuff
they smoked in vietnam
you'll get a million smackaroo's
in cash if you cash if you can cook,
but if you can't devil'll get your dope
the devil packed a bong
with a little acapulco gold
and resin flew from his fingertips
as he fired up his bowl
he filled that chamber all the way
and he took a mighty hit
as they passed it back and forth
it gave'em both a coughin' fit
when the bowl was finished johnny said
'hey man that stuff was great'
but fill your lungs with some of this
and prepare to vegetate
cannabis,apeeva,sweet mary jane
the devil's in the back yard fryin' his brain
zig zag filled with a diggity dang
hold on tight it'll hit you like a tank
the devil nodded off because he knew that he was stoned
and he asked if he could buy an ounce of the stuff that johnny
owned.
johnny said 'devil just come on back if you ever wanna catch a
buzz'
i done told you once you son of a bitch,
mine's the best there ever was
then they
fired up doobies one by one,
ain't gonna stop 'til the bag's done
green as a bullfrog,
sticky as glue
granted you'll get high,
yes i do
80.Smoke A Bowl (Coca Cola Parody)
When you've get some weed and know where to smoke
Take a tumb tack and an empty coke can!
Put some holes in it and break up your butt
Throw it on the top and now you can smoke some some!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Yea
We don't all drink up but we all wipe our butt
Take a toilet paper roll and some tin foil!
Wrap the foil around the toilet paper roll
Poke some holes in it and you've got a good bowl!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Yea
If you don't wanna Bowl and you wanna Bong
Take some tin foil and a one gallon milk jug!
Cut off the bottom put a big hole in the top
Put some foil around it and fill up the bathtub!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Do do do do doo do do do doo...
Do do do do doo Always Smoke a Bowla!
Yea...
Yea-ah-ah Yea-ea
Yea-ah-ah Yea-ea
Woah-oh-oh
81.Baby Got Jack
Yo ULONDA!
Check that home girl's butt out!
Um hm girl!
It's so flat!
You tell it like it is IEESHA!
She looks like one of them.....lawyer's girlfriends,
Her butt, is just so SMALL!
We're talking slim pickin's girl!
What up Ieesha？
Where is it？
I don't even....see it!
LOOK!
Girl! She's just so....WHITE!
I like small butts,
that I can not lie,
You honkies can't deny!
And when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist,
And a big thing in your face, I get sick!
'Cause I'd like a toothpick,
I'd beat that booty with a stick!
Even the jeans she's wearing,
Her pants, they're almost tearing.
No, baby, I want a flat booty,
That's tooty fruity!
Those honkies tried to warn me,
that butt you got is...
OOH! SO CORNY!
Ooh! Chicken smooth skin,
You say you wanna get in my olds？
Well, pack me, pack me
'Cause you ain't that average chickety!
To Hell with romancin'!
I'll take her wallet dancin'!
RICH! BITCH!
I'll dick with her money, ditch!
So tired of Ebony!
Black butts are not my theme!
If you ask me what my flavor is,
I'll tell you it's Vanilla Ice Cream!
So Honkies!
Yeah？
Honkies!
Yeah？
Does your girlfriend have a big butt？
So shrink it, shrink it,
So I can get right down and dink it!
Baby got Jack!
White honkies with a real small booty,
White honkies with a real small booty,
Baby got Jack!
White honkies with a real small booty,
White honkies with a real small booty,
I like 'em flat,
And small!
And when I'm in the mall,
I just can't help myself,
I'm doing to dog-pound call!
BARK! BARK! BARK!
Don't like her sister,
Who farts while playing Twister!
I wish those bins would miss her!
But Uncle Ben would fister!
I like my bootys real slender,
And tender!
And if I see a big booty,
I'll put it in the blender!
Don't want a real fender!
I get into my Honda!
What the hell is an anaconda？
All I know is I like Jane Fondas,
Better then Ulondas!
Baby got Jack!
White honkies with a real small booty,
White honkies with a real small booty,
Baby got Jack!
White honkies with a real small booty,
White honkies with a real small booty,
Yeah Baby,
When it comes to females,
Cosmo knows everything,
What they're talking about!
362436!
HA!
If she's 7 8...
Flat on the bottom,
and I like it like that!
Flat on the bottom,
and I like it like that!
82.Baby Likes Burping
You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby's kinda nauseating
My little vulgar one is so gross
'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes
And out in public it's embarrassing
She'll burp at anyone or anything
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah
My little lady's so obnoxious
Today she walked onto a Greyhound bus goin'
And then a couple hours later
My baby's in a crowded elevator
That little filthy pig is so obscene
I'm really glad she doesn't like beans
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah
Oh, I wonder what's her trip
Oh, she'd better can it quick
Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick
If baby does it anymore
I think I'll just pretend like I don't know her
You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby is really sickening
That's enough, that's it
83.Belvedere Cruising
Now, you won't find me braggin'
'Bout my big green station wagon
Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws I'm breakin'
Everybody knows that I wouldn't dare
Match my wits with a red Corvair
And just the thought of a Pinto leaves me shakin'
Now, I don't think that I could hack
Drivin' a big white Cadillac
With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills
No, I don't think that I could bear
Drivin' somethin' other than a Belvedere
In a Belvedere I can really get my thrills
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
Just watch me pass that Porsche on the right
I can take you anywhere
In my 1964 Belvedere
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
I don't think that I could cruise
In one of those small VW's
Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck
There's somethin' 'bout a Comet
That makes me wanna vomit
And those Datsuns just ain't worth a Fudgesicle, no
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
You got nothin' to lose but your life
It can take away your blues
All you've gotta do is cruise
In my big black Plymouth Belvedere tonight
With red upholstery
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed
Woo, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
Yeah, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
84.Born To Be Mild
Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter
Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair
Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry
Born to be mild
Pencils in your pocket
Patent leather briefcase
Studying your Fortran
You got pimples on your face
Gotta do your homework
Forget about the prom dance
They think that you're a big jerk
'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants
Every day you wake up
Your oscilloscope is humming
Parties tend to break up
When they find out that you're coming
85.Cheerios Apple Jacks Cheerios
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
Did you know Froot Loops fit in your nose
I may be just a simple guy
But just the thought of Corn Flakes makes me high
Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios
Makes me want to take off all my clothes
I love them dearly, and that's how it goes
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
86.Christmas Memories Of 'Weird Al' Yankovic
Hello, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of
Christmastime.
I still remember when I was a little boy, just waiting for the
big day.
Mom would be cooking up a mess of boysenberry and tunafish
burritos
for our big Christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the
tree with little bits of Spam.
And then, the big day would finally arrive.
I'd stay up all night and wait for Santa,
a-and when he finally showed up,
we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he
promised
to give us everything we wanted! Ah, yeah, those were the days.
Well, Merry Christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch
87.Crampton Comes Alive
Well, woke up this morning
With a Big Mac in my hand
What fries, whose fries
Where's my Hot Apple Pies
Must be a joke
I can't believe there's no Coke
Thank you, thank you, thank you
88.Dead Car Battery Blues
One, two, a-one, two, three, four
Well I, can't go to the park
I can't go to work
I can't do nothin'
I gotta stay in my house like a jerk
How come I always lose
My car has blown a fuse
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues
You know, can't visit my girlfriend
I can't go to school
I can't go anywhere
Gotta stay in my room like a fool
'Cause I got grease in my hair
My Belvedere's in disrepair
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues
So I, went to see my mechanic
He said, 'Okay, now what is wrong'
I told him my car wouldn't start
He said, 'This shouldn't take very long'
So he replaced all my plugs and my points
And he looked at my carburetor
He took out my engine and turned it around
And then seventeen hours later
He looked at my headlights and said
'Son, how long have these things been on'
I told him, 'Oh, about three or four weeks'
He said, 'Buddy, I know what's wrong'
'But I hate to be the one to give you the news'
'You got the dead car battery blues'
So now I, can't go to my office
Can't work on my job
I might as well lock myself up in my room
And live my life like a slob
How come I always lose
My Belvedere has blown a fuse
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues
89.Dr. Demento Radio Promo
Hi
This is 'Weird Al' Yankovic and you're listening to the Dr.
Demento show
90.Dr. Demento's 15th Anniversary Special
In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only Dr. Demento
Nixon, Ford, and Carter, Reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with Dr. D
So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Changes come, seasons pass
Like Alice through the looking glass
He shares a world of madness that we cheer
For fifteen roly poly years.
So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Don't forget to stay demented
Everybody sing
He has a very friendly, fuzzy face
And nobody could ever take his place
His fans around the globe will never dwindle
'Cause he fits so many records on his spindle
Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling
Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling
Whether you're Italian or Egyptian
He's bound to fill your musical prescription
Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented
In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry trees
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only Dr. Demento
Yeah
91.Fast Food
How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way
Thank you Burger King
Thank you Dairy Queen
Thank you, thank you KFC
Thank you Pizza Hut
Thank you Taco Bell
Thank you so much Wendy's
92.Fatter
Fatter, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Fatter
Corndogs, pizza, Coca Cola
Yogurt, butterscotch, granola
Look at me, I'm fatter
I'm fatter, I'm fatter
Friends all gather 'round me
My enemies surround me
Yelling 'Fatso, fatso, fatso'
I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on Seventh Avenue
That's right, I'm fatter
Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up
I tell you, this turkey sure is tough
Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough
They got pizza on the west side
French fries up town
Corn dogs deep fried in batter
I'm fatter
Go ahead, bite the big apple
Don't mind the calories
Pile it on my platter
I'm fatter
Pile it up, pile it high up
93.Flatbush Avenue
Oy
Oy
Down on the street they got bagels
And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox
Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst
Not in the mood for Jack-In-The-Box
Oy vey
We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue
Kielbasa and chopped liver
We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue
Or maybe they'll deliver
94.Free Delivery
Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call
Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all
Near, far, I'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and I'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on
Deep dish, whatever you wish
Even get two for one with a coupon
You must try our special crust
But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on
95.Gravy On You
Well, I think you're obnoxious
And I think that you stink
I think you're a moron
A slob, and a fink
You're one of the biggest turkeys I know
And that is the reason I'm going to
Throw gravy on you
And throw gravy on you
And throw gravy, gravy on you-ou-ou-ou-ou
96.Green Eggs And Ham
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham
I do not like them
Sam, I am
I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat
I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox
I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham
I do not like them
Sam, I am
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Don't like Green Eggs and Ham
97.Hit Me With A Rock
When I was a little boy
(When I was just a boy)
And my mother would call my name
(When I was just a boy)
She'd say I had to be in the house by seven
(When I was just a boy)
But I'd stay out late at night
(When I was just a boy)
And when I'd finally get back in
Oh, I know she'd hit me, she'd hit me
She'd sit me on her knees and whip me
Oh, she'd hit me with a rock
She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
She'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(Hit me with a rock)
And when I was grown to be a man
(Grown to be a man)
The minute the boss would call my name
(Grown to be a man)
And say I had to be in the office by seven
(Grown to be a man)
I'm a constipated man
(Grown to be a man)
And when I'd finally get back in
Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me
He'd tie me to a chair and whip me
Oh he'd hit me with a rock
He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
He'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(Hit me with a rock)
When I was grown to be President
(Was the President)
The minute the congress'd call my name
(Was the President)
And said some papers had to be signed by Thursday
(Had to be signed by Thursday)
I'd fly away to Pakistan
(Was the President)
And the second that I'd get back home
Oh, I know they'd hit me, they'd hit me
With leather and chains they'd whip me
Oh, they'd hit me with a rock
They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
They'd hit me. (Hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(Hit me with a rock)
Hit me, hit me, hit me
(Hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(Hit me with a rock)
Yah yah yah yah yah yah
(Hit me with a rock)
(Hit with a rock)
Ow, whaddaya doin' to me, get away from me
(Hit with a rock, oh baby)
(Hit with a rock)
(He's gettin' hit with a rock)
(He's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby)
(Hit with a rock)
Wait a minute, hold it
I think he's dead
Let's leave
Let's get out of here, man
98.Holiday Greetings 1987
Hi, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic, and I'd just like to take this
opportunity to say：
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Hello, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic,
hoping that your new year isn't a torture-filled living hell,
and that you finally decide to do something worthwhile with your
miserable,
wretched lives.
Thank you
Hello, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic,
and I'd like to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new
year.
And to all my Japanese friends, feliz navidad
Hi, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic,
wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas.
And now, here's a cheery little number I wrote about death,
destruction,
and the end of the world, called 'Christmas At Ground Zero'
Hello, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of
Christmastime.
I still remember when I was a little boy, just waiting for the
big day.
Mom would be cooking up a mess of boisenberry and tunafish
burritos
for our big Christmas dinner,
and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of Spam
And then, the big day would finally arrive.
I'd stay up all night and wait for Santa,
a-and when he finally showed up,
we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he
promised to give us
everything we wanted
Ah, yeah, those were the days.
Well, Merry Christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch
99.Holiday Greetings 1988
Hi, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic.
Remember, if you have one or two of those traditional blueberry
daiquiris
this holiday season, please, let somebody else drive
Hello, this is 'Weird Al' Yankovic,
urging you to remember the true meaning of the Christmas season,
and also to buy as many copies of my new album as you possibly
can!
Ah-HAHAHAHA! AH-HA! Heh
This is 'Weird Al' Yankovic!
Go ahead, go ahead!
Have a Merry Christmas, see if I care
100.I'll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement )
So you got dry rot and your water pressure's weak
Your trash compactor's broke, the roof has sprung a leak
You just found out your toilet's overflowed
And your smoke detector's smoking and your heater's gonna
explode
But
I'll repair for you (when the roof starts to fall)
I'll repair for you (all the cracks in your wall)
I'll repair for you (every nail, bolt and screw)
Your washer's busted and your faucet drips all night
You got some termites with a healthy appetite
Well have no fear, I'll patch up every hole
And I'm licensed and I'm bonded, even se habla espanol
So
I'll repair for you (when your doorknob is loose)
I'll repair for you (when your plunger's no use)
I'll repair for you (with a caulk and hot glue)
I am prepared to tackle all kinds of paste and spackle
You got a leaky shower, I'll be there in an hour
With stucco, bricks and plaster, I am a Jedi master
We'll help you through your crisis
Check out our low, low prices too, yeah
Your floors are sagging and your plumbing's shot
But if you don't mind my hairy butt crack every time that I
squat
I'll repair for you, anything that you need
I'll repair for you, and my word's guaranteed
I'll repair for you, I'll rewire it too
I'll repair for you
I'll repair for you
I'll repair for you, every nail, bolt and screw
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